You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
