I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
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