why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
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