Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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