I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
