do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
