I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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