oh god the rape fog is back!
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
