drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
