Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
