She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
