first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
