I wish I could punch you in the face.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
