Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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