dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Randomize
