And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Randomize
