"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
we're making bets on your personal life
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
