What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Hippo gnu deer
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
