Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
