I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
