Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
