Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
