I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
