either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
