Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Two words: nipple clamps
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