id be glad to
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
