oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
