I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
