So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
