Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
We just shotgunned beers for America
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Of course I have a pirate flag
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
