i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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