have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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