All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
