I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
