dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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