Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
