i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
