non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
