Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
