A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
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YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
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By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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