I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
