We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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