I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Say something about gay babies.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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