so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
