There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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