i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Randomize
