It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
