"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
