I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
