All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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