AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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