I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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