I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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