I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
