I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
