i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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