SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
this will be a night to untag.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
