I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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