we have pet lesbian snakes
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
