Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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