this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
