Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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