you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
