An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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