So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
