Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
