one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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