Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Randomize
